The Catamount Tribune is a monthly avenue for UVM student-athletes, coaches, staff, alumni, and fans to tell unique stories in their own words. The fifth edition of the Catamount Tribune is written by three-time America East long jump champion Ian Weider '17. Interested in sharing your story for the Catamount Tribune? Please click here or visit go.uvm.edu/tribune.

First and foremost, I'd like to take the time to thank the University of Vermont Athletic Department for an incredible four years. I am sure I stand with many other current and former Catamounts in saying that I was incredibly fortunate to have been a student-athlete at UVM. While my time here went by in the blink of an eye, these past few years have impacted my life in more ways than I could ever begin to explain. As every Catamount will learn, athletics will come to an end, and life will go on. I have spent the past couple months coming to this realization, and while that has been difficult, I am comforted in knowing that UVM Athletics has become and will always be a part of my family.
 
Now let me be perfectly clear, when I say 'family', I do not intend to imply that my UVM family was perfect. It was pretty darn close, but even the closest families have their ups and downs, arguments, hold grudges and sometimes cannot stand to be around each other. Despite all of these not-so-ideal struggles that occur, great families are the ones who put love at the center of everything. They are there for you when you need it most, and likewise, you are always there for them. If love is the driving force in your family, then you are as close to perfection as you can get.
 
This is exactly what I had at UVM. Here I had aunts, uncles, cousins, and people like Ed Simon, Mallory Honan, Cathy Rahill and Brett Willmott, who were my UVM version of a brother, sister, mom and dad respectively. I always felt like I had someone there for me when life would throw me a curveball. But like I said earlier, this family was not perfect, and there were plenty of times where, to put it nicely, I did not see eye to eye with all of my UVM relatives. Now that I am older (and hopefully a little more mature), I would like to take the time to thank you all for putting up with me when I was difficult and apologize for things that, in hindsight, I regret doing. I say this, not to gain sympathy, but to stress that life is too short to hold grudges. Unfortunately, I've had to learn this the hard way. Much like my family here in Burlington, I was blessed with my real family. While there have been many people in my life that have made me into the person I am today (especially at UVM), I owe my biggest thanks to my sister and parents. My younger sister Claire is the most caring person you will ever get to know. I have never met, nor heard, of anyone else who so genuinely wanted the best for everyone. I admire her for this and hope to one day be half as caring as her. My mother, Susie, is the second funniest person in the family (after me of course) and I can always count on her to cheer me up.  She is also the person I go to first with any problems I have and can depend on to offer advice (whether I like it or not). Lastly, I owe a major thank you to my dad, Woody, who showed me what hard work can accomplish.
 
Just like at UVM, my family at home was pretty great, but by no means perfect, especially when it came to the relationship between my dad and I. We both had a competitive nature, and we were both stubborn, and rarely admitted when we were at fault. Last August, we got into an argument and barely talked all year. Despite this, there was no denying our love for each other. We both knew things were not on the best of terms, but we also knew we had the rest of our lives to smooth things out, or so we thought.  
 
From an outside perspective, people would think he and I would be best friends. We both loved all kinds of music, the outdoors, meeting new people, and more than anything else, we both loved sports. While we did not play the same sports growing up, our strongest bond was through athletics. I finished my career at UVM as a three-time America East Track & Field Champion in the long jump. My dad was a three-time USA Junior Olympic Champion in Nordic combined, where athletes compete in cross country skiing and ski jumping. I think it's a safe bet that I got my hops from the old man.
  This May, my dad had his first major anxiety attack. He came to my mom and said he was feeling suicidal. As worrying as this was to hear, my mom and all those he confided in were sure he would kick this. On May 14, Mother's Day, he had a suicide attempt. That morning, my dad Woody was checked into the hospital until he was deemed fit to leave without being a danger to himself or others. Once he was released, he started seeing a psychiatrist and things looked to be on the upswing. Unfortunately, just two and a half weeks after his confession to my mom and two and a half weeks before Father's Day, my dad could no longer deal with the pain and decided to take his own life.
 
No one could believe it. Never before had my father brought up depression nor did he show any signs. Those who were close to my dad would confidently proclaim he was more full of life than anybody. He was the energizer bunny and gave 110% to everything he set his mind to. In addition to living larger than life, the name Woody Weider had a special ring to it. It reminded me of names like Peter Parker or Clark Kent, whose respective alter egos were Spiderman and Superman. My dad had the name of a superhero, and to me he was one.  
 
It is clear to me now that much like cancer, depression is a disease, and for my dad the chemical imbalance in his brain acted very quickly. This was my dad's kryptonite and because of it, I will never get to tell him how much he meant to me. My biggest regret is not acting sooner in trying to mend our relationship. Like I did with my UVM family, I would like to thank my father for all he did for me. I never imagined I'd be lucky enough to be a Division I athlete, let alone have success at this level. It was because of the determination and will to succeed I learned from my dad that I made it to UVM and gained a new family.
  The day my father committed suicide still seems as if it happened yesterday. It was a beautiful day, and as a recent college grad I had little to do but enjoy the weather. Around 3 p.m. there was a brief thunderstorm, but it came and went and the day was perfect once again. It was then that I received a text from my coach, Greg Wisser, to meet him at the UVM track. I did not know this at the time, but it was during the thunderstorm that my dad took his life. Words cannot begin to explain the wave of emotions that came after I heard the news. I was heartbroken, confused, and angry beyond belief. I still am. Looking back on that day now, I'd like to think that the passing of the thunderstorm and the transition to a stunning afternoon was symbolic for my dad no longer suffering from his intense depression and finally being at peace. It also reminded me of one of my favorite quotes which is from JRR Tolkien's Lord of the Rings: "even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer."  
 
As this all happened, I quickly learned I was never once alone. Yes, I had lost an incredibly influential person in my life, but my UVM family was there for me. The first people who I reached out to (and who reached out to me) were those who had become my brothers, sisters, and parents. I will probably never fully heal from the metaphorical scars my dad left me, but I know my family here at UVM will be there for me every step of the way. After all, even darkness must pass, right? I cannot begin to express how much the people I met through UVM Athletics have meant to me over the past four years. Wherever life takes me, I know I will always have a home on top of the hill here in Burlington. Every single one of us is touched by depression in some way or another whether that be ourselves, a family member, a friend, or a friend of a friend. Despite how prominent it is in our lives, we far too often put depression in the background. I want to help prevent this. It is too late for my father, but what I ask of all of you who read this is to try and positively impact someone's day. That could be helping a friend move out of their apartment or even just smiling a little extra at work. Every little thing can make a difference.
 
Attached below are links to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the Rally Around Mental Health initiative, which was started by my fellow student-athletes Kelly Lennon of the women's swimming & diving team and Trae Bell-Haynes of the men's basketball team. Also linked is the website for UVM Counseling and Psychiatry Services (CAPS) in the Center for Health & Wellbeing.

RELATED LINKS
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention | Rally Around Mental Health | Counseling and Psychiatry Services

Peace, Love & Go Cats Go!
 
Ian Dudley Weider